Providing love and support

I was reminded this week of why I do what I do and why I believe what I believe. It is funny how you have moments like this when you least expect them. Nothing out of the ordinary this week, but as I was settling in for the night on Friday I pondered where I plan to go in my life and the people who have always been there to support me. This is the essence behind this post.

As I talk with parents each day at my job I have begun to realize the true meaning behind my passion for parents and families. Besides the obvious that they are under served and pay the bills so we have to provide something. It is much more then that. I believe my passion for parents comes from the love and support my parents have given me. If I did not have that unyielding support I would not be the person I am today. Everyone says their parents are supportive and I whole heartily believe that, but it is what I can do with that support that makes the difference in me. I am reminded of a talk I had with the Graduate Assistant in the SOAR office before me. I talked about how I really love parents because of the unique perspective they give and his response was something like "until they yell at you or won't let you tell them reasons." I remember thinking - "You're probably right, but I think it takes a very special person to deal with parents. Much like it takes a special person to teach kindergarten." I still believe that there are few people who can handle parents on a daily basis, just as there are few that can handle college students on a daily basis. And watch out if you are one who has to not only handle parents but also college students on a daily basis. I am not saying I'm special or that I am better then any other person that works in student affairs. Just that my parents have helped me to understand the parental perspective through support and love that I only want to help bring that understanding and joy to others.

Parents are feisty. They always know what is best for their student, which is probably true. Part of growing up though is letting go and letting students figure it out for themselves, just as you (parents) had to do when you were college age. This is perhaps the biggest lesson my parents have given me. I was allowed to make my own choices, my own mistakes, and my own solutions to problems. No worries though, because if I didn't have the correct tools my parents were there to assist me - not fix the problem for me - but assist me. As a stubborn student/child I rarely wanted to admit I needed their help, but as I grow older I know when I to ask and when I am on my own. A skill that I could not have successfully learned without constant support when I was younger.

Support and love. Love and support. Seem like pretty simple words when you are talking about children, but not so easy I am sure. When I started college I was in the Moving On part of my life, where I wanted nothing to do with home. It was my time to escape. My mom respected that and really truly left me alone. As the weeks went by she rarely talked to me on the phone and we weren't communicating effectively. But what I didn't understand was I had asked for that and my mom was just giving me what I asked for nothing more nothing less. After I conversation with tears involved we discussed the type of support I was really in need of while away. From then on my mom and I have had better communication and I am able to tell her when extra support is needed or when I need my space. Then when I decided I no longer wanted to be a Physician Assistant and instead opted to go into student affairs. I was scared to death to call my parents. I mean for Pete's sake my major was cell and molecular biology and I was going to give up that to work at a college my whole life. I could hardly believe I had made that decision how in the world were my parents going to accept it. I made the call and told my mom. She was like well, if this is what you want. Not going to lie I was a little taken back by this - not that I should have been, because they have always been super supportive of my decisions (well most of them). When I called to tell my dad he said something like "Oh I knew you would never leave college." I was flabbergasted. How could my dad have known I would want to work in a college from the moment they dropped me off at Freddy hall 4 years earlier, and who in the world did he not tell me this? I have since realized that they were giving me the support I needed to make my own decisions to ignite my own dreams and to live my own life. Making hard and bold decisions is apparently not uncommon in my short life because moving to Atlanta was pretty darn random. Parents are not without their own lack of support too. They need us as children to support them when we move on, and to remind them that we love them very much. The call I made to my mom after I received the call saying I got the job here at GSU was the most heart wrenching. I had talked with my mom several times about the possibility and she seemed fine with it, but when it actually came time to make the ultimate decision she said something like "Oh (giant pause) that's great" and then "Hunny that's really far away." I was heartbroken. I couldn't understand why she wasn't excited for me. I had a JOB. In all honesty, she was scared that I would be far away from my family, far away from my support. Things I still am scared to be away from now. Later when I talked with her we discussed the big move. She had given me the tools and values and support that I needed to make this move, and even she said "How could I expect you to not utilize those values and tools I provided?" Nicely put mom.

Grandparents can also not be forgotten. My grandparents have always been my third set of parents. Acting as the foundation for everything I believe. I love my grandparents greatly. They have been loving supporters all of my life, even when it was tough to be supportive. My grandma it seems is always ready for an adventure and has often accompanied my mom to my events in Springfield, including a trip this last October for Homecoming. One of my favorite things in the in world though is hearing "I love you" from my Grandpa. My grandma is the one person who I know if mom will not be happy will at least support me in my decision, even if she herself isn't fond of it. They are always concerned with my safety and check up on me frequently. I appreciate all they do for me, I could not do it without them. They are not alone in the grandparents support system though, I have two sets just like everyone else. Well I guess really I have 4 sets. Anyway. My grandpa on the other side always strives to keep me informed even if no one else does. When he was recently in the hospital he made sure that I was contacted and kept informed. I know that Grandpa would do anything for me and would love to be near me more then anything, but he also is continually excited to hear of the new things I am doing in my life and how much fun I have in Atlanta. I love all my grandparents dearly. They provided the backbone of support for my parents and for me.

Without family support we can become lost in the shuffle of life. I think this is partially the reason I am so in love with working with parents and families. It gives me an opportunity to support parents as they go through tough times too. They might not have the tools or knowledge because their students are acting like I did my first semester at college. This just means they need more support then ever so that they can be supportive to their students. My parents and family is the reason I do what I do, without their support and love I would not be the person I am today. Not in the slightest bit.

Heart you all!